Sometimes Things Don't Go Your Way
by Water-Soter
Summary: Kolya was not a man to be reckoned with, so it was inconceivable, absurdly so that it would be a door – a door that would be his undoing. The Storm and Eye AU. Pure Crack people! Look at Profile for info of my current projects.


**Title: **Sometimes Things Don't Go Your Way

**Author: **Water-Soter

**Summary:** Kolya was not a man to be reckoned with, so it was inconceivable, absurdly so that it would be a door – a _door_ that would be his undoing. AU.

**Main Characters/Pairings: **(In order of appearance) Kolya, Ladon, McKay, Weir, and Sheppard.

**Series: **One-Shot

**Author's Notes: **This story was inspired by a comment that Greywolf Lupous made on LJ. It's based on a wonderful AU that she started where nothing on Atlantis works without the gene, instead of having someone with the gene activate a system and someone without a gene could use it afterwards. Also, thank you to Greywolf Lupous for allowing me to play in her verse and for the betaing. This one's for you, Grey!

**Feedback: **Absolutely! I'm new at this, so please don't burn me at the stake. Comments, suggestions and constructive criticism are always welcomed.

**Warning: **this is probably the stupidest thing I have ever written, so much so that even reading this will kill brain cells by the thousands. But hey, if you want to read this and shake your head wondering why would God allow something like this to come into existence, have at it you crazy people you! Lol!

Kolya was not a man to be reckoned with. He had earned his reputation on the blood of his enemies and the ruins of their homes. As a military mind, a commander, he knew this mission's vitality to the continued survival of his people. It would take cunning, which he had, a perfectly executed plan, which he devised, and the means to achieve the goal, which were provided. The intelligence they had gathered on Atlantis and its people had been extensive. Months had gone into planning the siege, all contingencies accounted for, the two soldiers standing guard had been disposed of, there was nothing standing between himself and the successful completion of his goal.

So it was inconceivable, absurdly so that it would be a door – a _door_ that would be his undoing.

Doctors McKay and Weir had had the audacity to take one look at them as they had emerged, then at each other and simultaneously barricade themselves in one of the rooms near by.

The intelligence they had gathered on Atlantis and its people had been extensive. Months had gone into planning the siege, all contingencies accounted for, so it was with great surprised that as he and his men pursued what was to be his captives, they found themselves running head first into its doors.

"Sir, it doesn't appear to be responding," one of his loyal men stated.

Kolya turned an icy glare on said soldier, nearing the door but as with his men, it remained closed. Looking at his men, all gathered around him, he motioned for the one he knew would have the answer.

Ladon walked confidently to his commander, then to the door. He stepped forward and back from its threshold several times, pecked at the controls to the side. Finally, with a dejected slouch to his shoulders, he responded in his most grave tone. "It won't open sir."

Kolya's hand was on his side arm before the conscious thought to shoot Ladon entered his mind.

Ladon, apparently sensing his impending demise, hastened to add, "There's something else I can try, sir."

At Kolya's sharp nod, Ladon took a deep breath and with a resolute expression on his face, turned toward the door and pounded on it. "Come on out, Doctors, or we will be forced to break the door down."

There was a momentary silence followed by a, "Ha! I'd like to see you try!"

"Rodney! What have we talked about in regards to your tendency of antagonizing the enemy?"

A spluttering, "_My_ tendency? What about Sheppard and his 'if it looks remotely dangerous, much touch' tendency! Not to mention he was the reason everyone on MPX-271 think we're all some kind of demented necrophiliacs."

A pregnant pause, then in a strangled tone, "I don't really want to know, do I?"

Ladon turned uncertain eyes on his commander, but Kolya mind's was already conjuring all the ways Sheppard could have accomplish said feat and decided there were certain things in this universe that should not be known.

Kolya signaled for another one of his men. His soldier raised his weapon and began shooting at the door only to have the bullets start ricocheting all over the walls.

"Hold your fire!" he bellowed, but the damage had been done. Most of his men were either lying on the floor wounded or dead. Kolya stared at the door – it's outer layer virtually without a scratch –, then at his men and wondered how this was going to affect his reputation.

"Well that's a first."

Kolya swiveled toward the source of the voice, weapon up and ready. There stood, what could only be Major Sheppard, holding a much bigger gun on him. The mayor smiled, a joyless expression that gave a glimpse at the killer inside. Kolya looked at his weapon, a compact sidearm then at the much larger weapon Sheppard held. With a disgusted sigh, the Genii commander tossed his weapon on the floor. He knew when he was beaten.

Sheppard kicked the gun away before carefully making his way toward the door. He made sure to keep Kolya in sight, "Hey, McKay, Elizabeth, you two okay in there?"

A minute later the door opened and both Doctors McKay and Weir appeared. "Yes, yes, just peachy!" Doctor McKay turned to look at Kolya and then his men, grimacing slightly at the sight of blood and dead bodies. Ladon laid almost at his feet.

Dr. Weir looked equally perturbed. "Did you do this?"

Sheppard grimly shook his head.

"Then how --"

"You'd never believe me if I told you."

Weir's expression mirrored Sheppard's own. "We should recall some military and medical personnel."

Sheppard nodded, but kept his gun firmly trained on the intruder. Weir turned towards Kolya, her face a mixture of anger and disappointment, "What did you hope to accomplish in doing this?"

Kolya stood ramrod straight, his face giving away nothing.

"If we're all done playing big bad wolf and the three little piggies, I'd like to get back to small task of saving the city, not to mention our _lives_." Dr. McKay turned to him, the expression of annoyance melting into one of uncertainty. "Uh, there wouldn't by any change anymore trigger-happy Genii running around, would there?"

Kolya didn't dignify that with an answer.

"Yeah, McKay, I'm sure that if you ask nicely enough, he'll even give you the schematics of their underground bunker," Sheppard rolled his eyes, "Listen, since we don't know how many Genii are in Atlantis, why don't you two go back into the room, lock the door and I'll do a sweep."

Weir looked at Kolya, then at Sheppard, uncertain.

Dr. McKay opened his obnoxious mouth to say something, then looked down at the soldiers and swallowed hard. "Oh yes, since I have an endless amount of time to finish the modifications and save the city."

Sheppard shrugged, an indiscernible look thrown his way, Kolya knew without a doubt he'd be shot at the smallest provocation. "You could always play hide and seek with the Genii."

McKay fidgeted but kept silent.

"Be safe." Weir muttered before dragging a reluctant McKay back into the room they had previously barricaded themselves in.

"You do realize that imminent death means that we don't have all day before we all become fish food, don't you?" McKay bellowed as they reached the threshold.

"Don't worry, McKay, I'm sure the fish wouldn't touch your rotting corpse with a ten foot pole."

McKay spluttered, his words dying as the door closed firmly behind them.

"Now it's just you, me and your buddies down there. Why don't we have us a little chat?"

Kolya narrowed his eyes. "If you believe with your meaningless chatter and interrogation tactics I will tell you anything, then you are not the man I believed you to be. Even if you defeat us today, the Genii will still prevail in the end."

Sheppard's face brightened as he snorted. "This from a guy who got defeated by a door."


End file.
